Picky Grouchy
Non-cook
stove
continuing...
And also, I have another thing to say about the stove (see right), which is that over time, features not withstanding, it has revealed itself to be a lousy stove. That charge might sound like sour grapes coming from a non-cook. You may be thinking that I was unable to work well with the stove, that I failed to use the stove as it is supposed to be used; you may be thinking that I am one of those excuse making blamers who will not take responsibility. Yet what I say is true. Really, all that superior, non-cozy, bad ass persona the stove has been putting out all these years only masks a serious failure to perform. What is perhaps worse is the stove’s refusal to be repaired. This stove cannot even admit that it is wrong. This stove lacks the ability to change. If the stove would agree to be fixed, I would not take such a hard line. I would give the stove a second chance, again. But the stove will not discuss it. The stove is defensive. The stove is trying to pretend that everything is normal when actually the stove is dealing with a serious stove personality disorder. That stove is actually unstable. Since the accusations are now flying, I know I better get specific: The first evidence that the stove had problems was when the oven door fell off. This happened years ago, and we decided not to hold it against the stove on the theory that it could happen to anyone, but now I know that it was a harbinger of things to come. Among the more recent problems of the stove are the corroding metal on the stove top around the base of the burners and the endless tick tick tick of the burner lighting mechanism, which persists, making me feel like my life is going to explode, even once the thing finally lights. Tick tick tick tick tick ---Also, only one burner will self light without a match anymore, and the oven will not heat up or stay hot unless all of the burners are turned on, and up, and then left on for the duration of the baking time. So you see the stove has issues, some of them safety issues, on top of its delusions of being a player in the hardcore appliance category. In fact I think the stove suffers, on top of the stove personality disorder, from some kind of early onset, rapidly developing dementia. For the past year --which is when the stove really started its descent into madness – my beloved husband has continued to cook on it. In addition to being a very good cook – a fearless cook – my husband is very good at adapting to new situations and circumstances, including the terrible downward spiral of an uncompromising, non-communicative, delusional, way messed up stove. I’m not saying he’s best friends with the stove, I’m just saying he hasn’t been daunted by it; he’s been willing to work around it. However, since I can barely figure out how to cook on a normal stove, this stove has started to seem like an impossibility, like a big stainless steel hunk of danger menacing me while also taking up all the prime real estate in our kitchen. Though only an Excuse Type Non-Cook would blame her non-cook status on her stove, I do feel that the stove situation has contributed to my not cooking. Because I fear that stove! So instead of continuing to expose my self to the stove, what I did was to lay my hands on a hand me down toaster-oven when my friend Morgan was having a yard sale. Proactive! It’s a big Black & Decker with the model name “Dining In.” I cleared a spot on the counter and plugged the thing in the socket. Installed! The Dining In works well for defrosting chicken nuggets and toasting bagels. You’d think I would be fine with just sticking with the Dining In while the stove continues down this terrible path and eventually completely loses its mind, but I’m not. The reason I’m not ok with it is that I’m not that kind of non-cook. I’m the kind of non-cook who wants options. I want, for example, to have the option of baking my children’s birthday cakes, the option of giving Chicken Pot Pie another try (click here for an account of early attempts), and of course I want full free reign to continue rocking on with the non-cook Thanksgiving (click here for the whole skinny on that). I want to have the option of being a cooking non-cook. That is: My attitude (I don’t feel like a cook) doesn’t always match my action (look at me cook!). Hello contradiction. However, I cannot engage with this and other non-cook contradictions using that crazy failure of an unreliable, unrepentant, unrepairable, menacing stove. Plus, my beloved husband can only put up with so much, even from the stove he once chose. The stove has run out of credit. Ditto excuses. We do not feel there is any chance of reform, reversal, or rehabilitation. So guess what? We have a new stove. |
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