Non-Cook of the Month
December, 2011
Interview With Non-Cook of the Month
Shelley Ross
Shelley Ross
Shelley Ross is a mother, educator, expert lay diagnostician, enthusiastic contra dancer, accomplished chronology constructor, and former quitter girl (co-creator of Quitter Quarterly, 1994-1998). She knows how to use the wrong tool for the right thing and how to count chickens that never would have dreamed of hatching without her.
Shelley took the time to answer Picky Grouchy Non-Cook questions over email.
Shelley took the time to answer Picky Grouchy Non-Cook questions over email.
Picky Grouchy Non-Cook: Would you describe your non-cook style?What makes you a non-cook?
Shelley Ross: My non-cook identity came with motherhood. Like stretch marks. Before I had kids to feed, I was a messy but happy cook of the “keep-throwing-in-ingredients-you-like-until-it-tastes-good” variety. I never mastered baking—that requires precision and the correct tools. Also there’s all the burning. But I could feed myself just fine. Then I became the mom of two very picky kids, and cooking has lost its appeal. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. I find myself standing there in the fluorescent light, completely paralyzed by my inability to think of anything they will eat. I guess I’m a Grouchy Mom of Picky Kids Non-Cook.
PGN-C: Do your children realize that you are a non-cook?
Shelley Ross: They think I’m a great cook if the chicken nuggets aren’t burned and the mac and cheese is nice and orange. Also, when I make root beer floats.
PGN-C: Is there anything special you will be not cooking for the Holidays?
Shelley Ross: I will continue to cook plain steak for my son and plain noodles for my daughter but for the Holidays, I will put said items in containers to take with us to various festivities where others have cooked delicious things I will enjoy eating while my kids squirm in their seats and ask if they can be excused.
I tried making gingerbread men for a preschool holiday party years ago. First, let it be known that I do not have a countertop in my kitchen, which is a tiny square room with 5 doors. As I was frantically rolling out gingerbread dough on the coffee table and burning every other batch, I was sweating and swearing and realized that I was not actually creating the kinds of childhood holiday memories that I had in mind. That was the last time I attempted holiday cookies.
Shelley Ross: My non-cook identity came with motherhood. Like stretch marks. Before I had kids to feed, I was a messy but happy cook of the “keep-throwing-in-ingredients-you-like-until-it-tastes-good” variety. I never mastered baking—that requires precision and the correct tools. Also there’s all the burning. But I could feed myself just fine. Then I became the mom of two very picky kids, and cooking has lost its appeal. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. I find myself standing there in the fluorescent light, completely paralyzed by my inability to think of anything they will eat. I guess I’m a Grouchy Mom of Picky Kids Non-Cook.
PGN-C: Do your children realize that you are a non-cook?
Shelley Ross: They think I’m a great cook if the chicken nuggets aren’t burned and the mac and cheese is nice and orange. Also, when I make root beer floats.
PGN-C: Is there anything special you will be not cooking for the Holidays?
Shelley Ross: I will continue to cook plain steak for my son and plain noodles for my daughter but for the Holidays, I will put said items in containers to take with us to various festivities where others have cooked delicious things I will enjoy eating while my kids squirm in their seats and ask if they can be excused.
I tried making gingerbread men for a preschool holiday party years ago. First, let it be known that I do not have a countertop in my kitchen, which is a tiny square room with 5 doors. As I was frantically rolling out gingerbread dough on the coffee table and burning every other batch, I was sweating and swearing and realized that I was not actually creating the kinds of childhood holiday memories that I had in mind. That was the last time I attempted holiday cookies.
On non-cook dinner procrastination:
It has come to the point where dinner is all-you-can-eat peanut butter spoons.
On non-cook shopping avoidance:
My grocery is right next door to a Chinese take-out place.
More than once, I have felt so defeated as I pulled into the parking
lot to do my shopping, that I ended up ordering take-out instead.
On non-cook picky kid feeding tactics:
The last time I felt good about the nutrition I was providing for my kids was when they were nursing.
My daughter likes to pick stuff out of whatever I’m eating, so sometimes I trick her into eating that way….
It has come to the point where dinner is all-you-can-eat peanut butter spoons.
On non-cook shopping avoidance:
My grocery is right next door to a Chinese take-out place.
More than once, I have felt so defeated as I pulled into the parking
lot to do my shopping, that I ended up ordering take-out instead.
On non-cook picky kid feeding tactics:
The last time I felt good about the nutrition I was providing for my kids was when they were nursing.
My daughter likes to pick stuff out of whatever I’m eating, so sometimes I trick her into eating that way….